3 weeks ago
easiest thing you can do:
to keep a relationship happy, healthy, and meaningful:
be there, and understand.
(simple as that, folks!)
xo
1 month ago
the charm of what could have been
There’s a charm to leaving certain romances unopened, I think.
I just talked to a guy who I used to fancy a long while ago, I still think he’s charming as ever today. Nothing will ever happen, but there’s something so sweet about him saying “remember when we kissed the night we met?” and knowing it’s nothing more than a bit of innocent nostalgia, a nice pasttime. It’s just really cute in a way that isn’t tarnished by any real emotions, or falling outs. I only talk to him twice a year,if that - but it’s always a really pleasant conversation, and one I always can’t help but to smile afterwards over.
Maybe every twinge the heart makes doesn’t need to be acted upon, maybe something as simple as a kiss on the cheek or a sparkle in someone’s eye can be kept at just that. Maybe, in some way, that childlike crush is more important than a few “proper” dates will ever be.
Knowing what will work and what won’t is important, and maybe time and logic play far larger roles in our relationships than we give them credit for.
Still, I treasure those little moments. Going out for a little meal after digging for records, meeting up for the once off gig. Having a nice time with someone who thinks you’re just lovely, simple as that.
Maybe we all need a few of those to bring things back into perspective, and realize how good we have it in our real relationships. I know I do.
xo
1 month ago
the one year itch.
we’re feeling it.
the best thing to do is try and restore balance and give him some space, right..?
striking the right balance between supportive & suffocating is a bit tricky at first, but with a bit of care and tact can be handled with a head held seemingly high. getting back in touch with the man i’ve fallen in love with, and realizing he’s not made of stone. taking your partner for granted is probably one of the most awful things you can do, folks..
xo
2 months ago
On keys:
There’s keys to relationships, keys to hearts, blah blah blah.
I mean, if we’re really going to get into specifics about keys - I’ve worn Jens Lekman’s golden one around my neck every day for two days short of a year. (ooph!)
But what I’m talking about here is : apartment keys.
Bubs & I aren’t moving in together. Let’s not get crazy! We had this discussion lately, kind of out of the blue.. it’s not off the table, but as two highly independent people we definitely want to try living alone first before we can think of any co-living set up. Plus there’s the legality of it all,etc. Transatlantic love is pretty damn romantic, but it isn’t the easiest as far as that stuff’s concerned.
Today I came over from Sweden to visit Bubs in London, got into town & grabbed lunch while he was on break - but as a busy ad man (I swear I’m not dating Don Draper, thank god for that too! He’s in accounts. And not a Campbell! /madmenreferences) , he’s got work to do. I kissed him goodbye and he gave me the keys to his flat, told me to take a rest and he’ll be home as soon as he can.
I mean, I guess that’s normal. After a year of kisses and caring, maybe that trust is the norm and I’m just making a big fuss out of nothing. But I like that when I came into his room, there was this sort of familiar comfort, a handwritten letter, a sketchbook, his laptop password laid out on top of it so I could get online,fresh bedding. The little things.
I give him a lot of smack for sometimes getting it wrong. Talking about work too much. Stressing out. I still don’t LIKE those parts of his personality all the time. But I LOVE that he takes care of me better than anyone ever has, and yet is fully aware of the fact that I could easily take care of myself. He likes me when I’m a lioness & a lamb. He loves me for it, really. Which is real special, if you ask me - and something I always hoped I’d find… so, there’s that.I think we both go above & beyond what’s expected of each other in our own ways, I should remember that more often. Just because he doesn’t show his affection exactly like I do doesn’t make his any less valid, and vice versa. (Wow, just fleshing out my own problems now! Stop it, Elle! Stop it!)
What do you think about living with your significant others? Are any of you doing it? (Living together, I mean! I’d hope the other too, if that’s the case..)
Love,
Elle
xo
3 months ago
being there:
(Hey all. Hope all’s going great & that. I’m sat inside on a gorgeous day in a spring dress & last night’s makeup. glamorous!..)
Lately I’ve been learning a lesson in distance. To love someone who’s a good 3000+ miles away from me for the better part of the year, I suppose I’ve really no choice but to.
Most times, it’s not bad - on average there’s two month gaps between kisses, and generally they fly by pretty swiftly. But, as days and weeks and months do add up, I have learned to adapt.
Personally I think it’s a lot easier to talk about shared experiences, and sometimes having Skype conversations that revolve around our daily lives isn’t exactly exciting for either of us. So our chats come back to things we both have shared together, or places we go to when we can, a common ground. Lately I feel like we’ve transcended that, though. I’m learning the art of listening (something that’s been an issue of mine for as long as I can remember), and trying to support my bubs any way I can - even if it’s through a “man up & make me proud!” jest of a comment. Talking about when we’re next going to see each other, what we want for ourselves, our goals. Being each other’s best friend.
There’s a lot of trust involved too, but I guess I’ll save that for another post. I don’t get jealous over his friends who happen to be girls, and he doesn’t mind when I see my guy friends. That’d be ludicrous, and frankly, not worth it if we constantly had to check up on each other. I believe him when he says he loves me, and I mean it when I tell him. We’re both adults who can’t predict the future, but so long as we’re good in the present and honest as we progress - I’m happy.
They really should get on making teleportation exist, though.
xo
3 months ago
So let’s start this out by me letting you all know I signed up for an online dating website last summer after the last guy I was seeing turned out to be a scumbag. My roommate at the time told me she had been on plenty of dates with guys she met online…. well soon after that I found out she was an insane person so I should’ve taken note of the red flag right then.
So I signed up and didn’t really respond to the messages I got because the guys sending them were either uninteresting or messaged me things like, “what’s up my gorgeous geisha?” (Yes, a real message from a real user who was dressed up as a ninja in his profile picture.)
Anyway, these screen caps are of a conversation I had with one of two dudes I gave my number to. The thought process was that maybe we’d grab coffee some weekend and if anything I’ll have made another friend that lives in the area, because honestly I’ve been here 4 years and my circle of friends is very small. This dude decided to keep texting me at work even though I told him I was at work. Within a couple days I realized I just don’t have the capacity for this interaction in my life right now, so I told him honestly - or so I thought - that it wasn’t going to happen.
Instead I got called a liar, so this asshole is going on blast on my tumblr.
The sad truth is…. I get up around 6:30-7am, exercise most days and get ready for work, work from 9-6, get home around 6:30 and make dinner, put PJs on and watch some TV or read, then go to bed around 11:30pm. That doesn’t include all the non 9-6 time I spend fielding emails and scheduling calls/meetings for my boss, plus texting him reminders about all of his phone calls, even the ones that happen at 6:30am like today. Sometimes I go out on weekdays if I have friends in town playing a show, but not often because I’m tired. This job is bananas, but hopefully worth it for the long term results. Weekends are my only time to relax, except I usually don’t because I like to do things on my Saturdays instead of sit around the house in sweats all day.
Anyway, that’s it for me and online dating. It was an interesting but failed experiment, and I’ve deleted my profile.
PS. I will willingly hear out any advice/thoughts from people both female and male on this subject - reply or leave a note in my ‘ask’ box. I’m interested to hear what other people have to say about this.
Standard # wherever we are on that list:
DO NOT DO THIS, GENTS. (or ladies for that matter)
I’ve been on the receiving end of it (and I can see I’m definitely not alone in that, what a relief!) and not only is it needy & annoying - but extremely creepy.
As far as online dating goes.. I hold out some hope for it. I’ve seen some of my friends end up in the most amazing, fulfilling, devoted relationships from it and it’s really done wonders for their lives. Others, not so much. But really, like anything else - it has a lot to do with trial & error, just like dating in any other forum. I went on so many weird first dates before I met my boyfriend. Brainy guys, awkward guys, shy guys, revolting ones (thankfully only one of those!) - so it really just is slim pickings all around I think. He’s not perfect; the star wars/weird progressive music loving/bad dancing/handsome devil of a geek he is, but he’s well suited for me. It takes a while. The best piece of advice, if I’m at all qualified to give it, is to enjoy wherever you are and keep your eyes open. When the right opportunity comes along, falling into it is as easy as flopping down into bed after a long day. There’s no need for explanation, or blame, or constant check ups - just comfort. So, if online dating’s your avenue for that - keep an open mind, a pretty private phone number, and meet for something less awkward than dinner first.
xo
via aileen365
3 months ago
I need some help my lovely followers…
I’m going down to New Orleans to help continue in the rebuild of the 9th Ward. I’ve been wanting to do this since Katrina hit. When I went down to NOLA for a weekend just for fun almost 2 years ago now we went through the 9th ward and I was in shock over how devastated the area still was years after. I was lucky enough to be picked to go down to New Orleans with 9 other students from Middlesex Community College through Gulf Coast For The Long Haul to volunteer. I need to raise $300 to cover my flight and boarding expenses so I figured to use my blog. Anything will help if you can donate a couple of bucks.
If you can donate then go to my blog page and hit the “donate button”.
via sorachamary
4 months ago
transatlantic love & meeting the parents:
It’s been a hot minute since anything’s swept your dashboards from us (or well, me) - so here’s what’s happening these days in my love life (which is all i ever report these days..zzz? give me ideas!)
So.. here goes nothing.
Bubs (thankfully not his real name! just a pet one that I’ve given him, poor bloke) & I have been dating for the better part of this past year, so we’re starting to get to that cozy place in our relationship where I’m around him wearing hot rollers in my hair and he doesn’t always shave his beard when I kiss him. I’d be sad about this if it wasn’t so nice to not have to be this polished version of myself at every turn, because when enough time is spent together - the act kind of wears thin. Not that we don’t still love date nights and looking good for one another - as a pair equipped with extremely healthy egos, that’s never been a problem - it’s just nice not to worry if I’m not on top form, is all!
But I digress. I came home from England at the end of November, and after a teary eyed goodbye and lots of promises to keep this love of ours burnin’ through the winter months (where’s Johnny Cash to write a song when you need him? I know, I know..) , we went back to Skype calls for a month or so. And then, it was here. We turned my house upside down, I tried to hide all the mess of my room in crafty storage containers, and before I knew it I was listening to Jens Lekman on my way to go pick up Bubs from the airport —- with my parents.
7 months ago
the goal:
of dating is so subjective, i think. at different times in our lives we want and need different things and not everyone will have as much experience with it as everyone else.
as for me, i’m pretty old fashioned. i love the idea of waking up together and reading the news (even if it is on our phones via twitter instead of real deal newspapers) and sitting in a coffeeshop talking about nothing in particular, short holidays in the country (i literally just stepped in the door from a beautiful weekend! surreal, really). i love taking time, and not rushing into things. it’s just my style, not better or worse than anyone else’s.
it’s taken me the better part of two years to find someone that i want to emotionally invest into again, because i made a conscious choice to not do so unless i found someone sincere and wonderful. that sounds crazy, but like my boyfriend would say - “it’s easy to find someone, finding someone you actually like on the other hand..” i don’t know where i’m going with that quote.
fact is though, i’ve never been this cared for in all my days. romance is a gorgeous and beautiful thing, but add a bit of emotional substance and commitment to that and it’s cloud 9. in my book anyway, that is! almost six months into dating/knowing him, we’re finally letting “i love you” into our vernacular and well.. i know we mean it. we don’t put each other on pedestals, or always have perfect days without little grumpy interludes.. but that’s being in a real relationship. we never fall asleep on a fight, and any quarrels we do have aren’t all that serious or difficult to resolve. fact is, cheesy as it may be.. i’d trade all my magical kisses in central park and moonlit picnics on baseball fields to be here, right now. best part is though.. i don’t have to.
you learn something from everyone. we’ve both been in crazy fleeting flings and with all the wrong people for the right reasons, and i’m not saying that our future is guaranteed - but for now, i like having someone to call home and that i’m proud to call mine who feels the same way about me.
Love,
Elle
what are you after these days?
9 months ago
Dating Tips #123: Put effort into your relationship
Relationships take work and if you don’t put any effort into your relationship, you won’t have one for very long.
Email: sardonicdatingadvice@gmail.com
it’s true!
(the thing is though, with the right person the “work” is a lot easier [if not effortless at times] & not in the least a chore. chores are for kids who get grounded, not ones who adore each other. yeah?)
xo
via sardonicdatingadvice
