1 month ago
the charm of what could have been
There’s a charm to leaving certain romances unopened, I think.
I just talked to a guy who I used to fancy a long while ago, I still think he’s charming as ever today. Nothing will ever happen, but there’s something so sweet about him saying “remember when we kissed the night we met?” and knowing it’s nothing more than a bit of innocent nostalgia, a nice pasttime. It’s just really cute in a way that isn’t tarnished by any real emotions, or falling outs. I only talk to him twice a year,if that - but it’s always a really pleasant conversation, and one I always can’t help but to smile afterwards over.
Maybe every twinge the heart makes doesn’t need to be acted upon, maybe something as simple as a kiss on the cheek or a sparkle in someone’s eye can be kept at just that. Maybe, in some way, that childlike crush is more important than a few “proper” dates will ever be.
Knowing what will work and what won’t is important, and maybe time and logic play far larger roles in our relationships than we give them credit for.
Still, I treasure those little moments. Going out for a little meal after digging for records, meeting up for the once off gig. Having a nice time with someone who thinks you’re just lovely, simple as that.
Maybe we all need a few of those to bring things back into perspective, and realize how good we have it in our real relationships. I know I do.
xo
2 months ago
On keys:
There’s keys to relationships, keys to hearts, blah blah blah.
I mean, if we’re really going to get into specifics about keys - I’ve worn Jens Lekman’s golden one around my neck every day for two days short of a year. (ooph!)
But what I’m talking about here is : apartment keys.
Bubs & I aren’t moving in together. Let’s not get crazy! We had this discussion lately, kind of out of the blue.. it’s not off the table, but as two highly independent people we definitely want to try living alone first before we can think of any co-living set up. Plus there’s the legality of it all,etc. Transatlantic love is pretty damn romantic, but it isn’t the easiest as far as that stuff’s concerned.
Today I came over from Sweden to visit Bubs in London, got into town & grabbed lunch while he was on break - but as a busy ad man (I swear I’m not dating Don Draper, thank god for that too! He’s in accounts. And not a Campbell! /madmenreferences) , he’s got work to do. I kissed him goodbye and he gave me the keys to his flat, told me to take a rest and he’ll be home as soon as he can.
I mean, I guess that’s normal. After a year of kisses and caring, maybe that trust is the norm and I’m just making a big fuss out of nothing. But I like that when I came into his room, there was this sort of familiar comfort, a handwritten letter, a sketchbook, his laptop password laid out on top of it so I could get online,fresh bedding. The little things.
I give him a lot of smack for sometimes getting it wrong. Talking about work too much. Stressing out. I still don’t LIKE those parts of his personality all the time. But I LOVE that he takes care of me better than anyone ever has, and yet is fully aware of the fact that I could easily take care of myself. He likes me when I’m a lioness & a lamb. He loves me for it, really. Which is real special, if you ask me - and something I always hoped I’d find… so, there’s that.I think we both go above & beyond what’s expected of each other in our own ways, I should remember that more often. Just because he doesn’t show his affection exactly like I do doesn’t make his any less valid, and vice versa. (Wow, just fleshing out my own problems now! Stop it, Elle! Stop it!)
What do you think about living with your significant others? Are any of you doing it? (Living together, I mean! I’d hope the other too, if that’s the case..)
Love,
Elle
xo
3 months ago
being there:
(Hey all. Hope all’s going great & that. I’m sat inside on a gorgeous day in a spring dress & last night’s makeup. glamorous!..)
Lately I’ve been learning a lesson in distance. To love someone who’s a good 3000+ miles away from me for the better part of the year, I suppose I’ve really no choice but to.
Most times, it’s not bad - on average there’s two month gaps between kisses, and generally they fly by pretty swiftly. But, as days and weeks and months do add up, I have learned to adapt.
Personally I think it’s a lot easier to talk about shared experiences, and sometimes having Skype conversations that revolve around our daily lives isn’t exactly exciting for either of us. So our chats come back to things we both have shared together, or places we go to when we can, a common ground. Lately I feel like we’ve transcended that, though. I’m learning the art of listening (something that’s been an issue of mine for as long as I can remember), and trying to support my bubs any way I can - even if it’s through a “man up & make me proud!” jest of a comment. Talking about when we’re next going to see each other, what we want for ourselves, our goals. Being each other’s best friend.
There’s a lot of trust involved too, but I guess I’ll save that for another post. I don’t get jealous over his friends who happen to be girls, and he doesn’t mind when I see my guy friends. That’d be ludicrous, and frankly, not worth it if we constantly had to check up on each other. I believe him when he says he loves me, and I mean it when I tell him. We’re both adults who can’t predict the future, but so long as we’re good in the present and honest as we progress - I’m happy.
They really should get on making teleportation exist, though.
xo
7 months ago
the goal:
of dating is so subjective, i think. at different times in our lives we want and need different things and not everyone will have as much experience with it as everyone else.
as for me, i’m pretty old fashioned. i love the idea of waking up together and reading the news (even if it is on our phones via twitter instead of real deal newspapers) and sitting in a coffeeshop talking about nothing in particular, short holidays in the country (i literally just stepped in the door from a beautiful weekend! surreal, really). i love taking time, and not rushing into things. it’s just my style, not better or worse than anyone else’s.
it’s taken me the better part of two years to find someone that i want to emotionally invest into again, because i made a conscious choice to not do so unless i found someone sincere and wonderful. that sounds crazy, but like my boyfriend would say - “it’s easy to find someone, finding someone you actually like on the other hand..” i don’t know where i’m going with that quote.
fact is though, i’ve never been this cared for in all my days. romance is a gorgeous and beautiful thing, but add a bit of emotional substance and commitment to that and it’s cloud 9. in my book anyway, that is! almost six months into dating/knowing him, we’re finally letting “i love you” into our vernacular and well.. i know we mean it. we don’t put each other on pedestals, or always have perfect days without little grumpy interludes.. but that’s being in a real relationship. we never fall asleep on a fight, and any quarrels we do have aren’t all that serious or difficult to resolve. fact is, cheesy as it may be.. i’d trade all my magical kisses in central park and moonlit picnics on baseball fields to be here, right now. best part is though.. i don’t have to.
you learn something from everyone. we’ve both been in crazy fleeting flings and with all the wrong people for the right reasons, and i’m not saying that our future is guaranteed - but for now, i like having someone to call home and that i’m proud to call mine who feels the same way about me.
Love,
Elle
what are you after these days?
9 months ago
Dating Tips #123: Put effort into your relationship
Relationships take work and if you don’t put any effort into your relationship, you won’t have one for very long.
Email: sardonicdatingadvice@gmail.com
it’s true!
(the thing is though, with the right person the “work” is a lot easier [if not effortless at times] & not in the least a chore. chores are for kids who get grounded, not ones who adore each other. yeah?)
xo
via sardonicdatingadvice
